Monday, October 4, 2010

It Means So Much

By Nifter
Click to see Nifter's Nuts

No sooner did I submit the post, I'm Sorry, Thank You, I Love You, Good-bye yesterday, than the phone rang with some bad news: a close cousin of mine had passed away from a sudden heart attack.  He was 57.

I'm not going to dwell on this, but his death is another example of why it is so important to tell people how important their involvement in your life has been.  My cousin hadn't talked to his sister in years, now, the opportunity has passed, no pun intended.

I'm going to end this post by suggesting you read I'm Sorry, Thank You, I Love You, Good-bye.  I'm not a great writer, but I'm sure you will understand the very important message that article sends.

Rest in peace, Ken.  You will be missed.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

I'm Sorry, Thank You, I Love You, Good-bye

By Nifter
Click to see Nifter's Nuts

A more serious moment today, because it's important.

We're all going to die. We know it's coming, we understand its inevitability, and yet, few among us prepare for it the way we should - or at least the way I think we should.  I'm hoping you'll agree by the time you finish reading this.  Those loved ones who survive you will appreciate it.

Think about your life for a moment, from the earliest you can remember until now. Think about what you've had, and had not, the ups, the downs, the relationships, the mistakes, the victories, the losses, the times you've helped others, the times you've hurt others, those who have loved you, and do love you now, the people you've loved, those you've scorned, all the work you've done - from scrubbing the toilet to getting up and slugging off to a job every day - all the good times you've had, the successes, the failures, a childhood, good or bad, with its myriad of memories, all that you've learned and all you wish you had learned...  An entire life, each and every minute of it, and when we realize our days are nearing the end, we do absolutely nothing to acknowledge the reality of it all, to thank those who, without, our lives would have been vastl different.

I've seen many people die in my time, including the recent death of my father, which probably triggered this post, although I have been thinking about this subject for decades.

My father, who passed away at 83 years of age, outlasting medical expectations by well over two years, was no different.  He is, in fact, a perfect example of what I am trying to get across.  His life continued in its normal fashion until the day he died, and nowhere in that time did he sit down with friends or family to say what I believe he should have.  Exactly the same way so many others finish their lives.

For some reason, we simply live out our time in our individual ways, carrying on with whatever it is we do until that moment when we pass.  As age catches up to us, it doesn't seem to occur to us that taking a few moments out of an entire life to pass on even a simple thank you, could be so rewarding - for everyone involved.

I suspect there are many reasons for this, although one in particular stands out: death is not a favorite subject of many, if any; people just don't like to talk about it, and even though paying acknowledgement to others does not have to be about dying, it certainly might feel like it is, which is enough for a lot of people to ignore doing so.  (That in itself is a sad reality, the fact that conversations such as I am suggesting usually only occur as death creeps closer.)

So what exactly am I suggesting?  I believe we should all sit down with our immediate family members certainly, and those friends we feel especially close to also, and tell them how we feel.  Apologize for major mistakes, without dwelling on them, thank each person for their contribution to your life, then tell them you love them.  I'm sorry, thank you, I love you, which ultimately means, I'm sorry, thank you, I love you, good-bye.

Apologizing for mistakes could easily be left out of the conversation, but indeed, if there are some big ones, the person(s) affected might well appreciate hearing it.  Besides, it will make you feel better also.

We're all going to die.  We understand its inevitability, and now we're going to do something about it.  Death can occur at any age, and telling someone how important they are to your life is always a good thing.  And don't forget the I love you.  Yes, they may already know that, but it's a much different thing hearing it from you.

I'm sorry, thank you, I love you, good-bye.  As you rest in eternity, those who survive you will always remember that conversation, and will live proudly onward knowing how much they really meant to you.  Because you told them so.  Do it.

I'm sorry, thank you, I love you, good-bye.