Sunday Morning Church on TV and the Hot Babes

By Nifter
Click to see Nifter's Nuts

So it's Sunday morning, I'm having a bite to eat and flip on the television. Lucky me, it's the Ernest Angeley Ministries show, whatever it's called.  (Give Me Your Money, maybe?)

I didn't even realize it was persistent ol' Ernie at first, although it was instantly apparent the broadcast was one of those Sunday morning "church shows" I so abhor.  Normally I would quickly switch to another channel but my eye was caught by a rather striking woman with a beaming Colgate smile. (It's hard to be male sometimes.) She was center-screen, looking stunningly beautiful and singing like she'd just found Jesus, so to speak.

Seconds later, the camera panned out to reveal yet another beautiful, i.e., hot woman. Indeed, there were two of these beauties - and some funny-looking dude in-between them holding a funny-looking guitar, and appearing quite out of place with women of such, well, presence.  They were a trio of singers, singing praise to their Lord. Two hotties and a dude.

Although all of three could carry a tune well enough, the woman on the right had an obvious lisp.  Now, there's nothing wrong with that; people with lisps are no different than anyone else, singing or not, if you know what I mean, and normally I wouldn't even give it a second thought.  But this was television, after all, so it got me thinking.  Was this woman selected as a member of the trio because of her striking good looks, despite the lisp?  Could it be that the duplicitous Ernie-boy was taking advantage of her beauty, using it to stop channel surfers like myself in their tracks, hopefully drawing them into his, uh, wallet?  Or was this just another case of an imaginative mind, mine, drifting into speculative nonsense - a plight many of us thinkers and dreamers are prone to?

One could easily write the whole thing off, but again, there were two gorgeous women.  And I'm not talking about a couple of pretty girls; these were women of unusual allure in every way possible.  Two of them.  Coincidence?  If Mr. Angeley was using womanly attributes to draw viewers in, however, why then, would he select a male who looked like an elasticized George Castanza?  I suspect if we asked Ernie he'd tell us the women were selected for their God-given gift of voice.  I couldn't help but wonder though, if they were selected for a different set of God-given gifts.  And the ugly dude in the middle?  Perhaps, just perhaps,  preacher Ernest was avoiding competition.

As I was uselessly pondering these unimportant matters and the trio were ending their song - a sudden burst of large, screen-filling letters popped into view, informing me that Jesus is At Your Door.  (Of course I ran to the door to see, but the message must have been for someone else - he wasn't there.)  At this point, our money-loving friend, Ernest, appeared behind the now fading message and began his sermon.  The sight of Ernest Angeley was enough to snap me back into reality. I changed the channel.

With all my stupid pondering just about finished, it appears that Ernest did manage to affect a wandering channel flipper after all.  Me, someone who abhors those Sunday morning "church shows" which I see as a parade of counterfeit moralism designed to extract money from well-meaning, but unwary viewers. Whether intentional on the show's part or not, I clearly haven't forgotten those women.  (It's tough being male sometimes.)  But I haven't lost my mind either, not completely anyway, so I sure as hell won't be sending Mr. Angeley any money.  I do appreciate those few moments of wishful thinking, however. Thanks Ernie.